The Key to Lasting Happiness: Living in Alignment Through Psychological Flexibility

What Does It Really Mean to Be Happy?

Happiness is often thought of as something to find, obtain, or achieve - a place we arrive at once everything in life falls into place. But that could be missing the entire point of seeking happiness. It is a myth that happiness is about constant positivity. It is in the journey that happiness is experienced; it is fleeting and in motion, never through perfect circumstances, but rather in how we move through life. Even when it’s messy, uncertain, challenging - especially in these times we can learn to continue to seek a sense of happiness.

On this International Day of Happiness, I invite you to consider a different perspective. Consider how happiness isn’t about always feeling happy, but instead is about living in alignment with your values and learning to cultivate psychological flexibility so that you remain more consistently in a happy state of being, of living.

Living in Alignment: The Foundation of Fulfillment

Living in alignment means making choices that reflect your deepest values, even when life feels uncertain or uncomfortable. It’s about letting your actions be guided by what truly matters to you, rather than being driven by fear, avoidance, or external pressures.

For example, someone who deeply values connection might avoid difficult conversations out of fear of conflict. But over time, this avoidance can lead to disconnection and resentment, which feels far from experiencing happiness. Instead, choosing to lean into discomfort and have an honest conversation, even when it’s hard, brings a deeper sense of authenticity and fulfillment.

This is where psychological flexibility comes in.

Psychological Flexibility: The Key to Sustainable Happiness

Psychological flexibility is a skill that allows us to navigate life’s challenges with greater ease, resilience, and emotional well-being. Rooted in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), it helps us:
• Stay present instead of getting stuck in past regrets or future worries.
• Accept emotions rather than suppressing or fighting them.
• Defuse from unhelpful thoughts that hold us back.
• Take committed action toward what truly matters

Happiness isn’t about eliminating discomfort, sadness, fear, or stress. Learning to become open and willing, to make space for all of life’s experiences, while continuing to take action forward in ways that align with our guiding values, helps to grow the ability to be psychologically flexible.

Practices to Cultivate Psychological Flexibility for Greater Happiness

If you’re looking to enhance and sustain happiness in your own life, here are some simple yet powerful practices to build psychological flexibility:

Practice Present-Moment Awareness

Happiness isn’t found in ruminating about the past or anxiously anticipating the future. It’s in the now. Learning to be mindful involves increasing your self-awareness, both within your mind and your body. Try simple mindfulness techniques like deep breathing, grounding exercises, or simply noticing your surroundings to help you stay present and engaged in the moment.
Breathwork and having something daily that helps shift your focus is something I often recommend for clients. Something as simple and grounding as the Physiological Sigh can help at any moment, to calm your nervous system and bring you to the here and now. You can view a simple video explaining it here.
My favorite daily reader to recommend is The Pivot Year by Brianna Wiest. You can find this and other resources in the “Helpful Hub” resource page on my website, Living in Alignment.

Shift Perspectives to Discomfort as Growth

It’s natural to want to avoid discomfort, but growth and fulfillment often come from leaning into challenges. Instead of seeing difficult emotions as obstacles to happiness, try viewing them as signals that you’re stretching beyond your comfort zone in a meaningful way. Noticing when that discomfort is there is part of self-awareness, which I often say is the first step to everything.
Self-awareness can be painful at first. We are so used to distraction and avoidance instead of experiencing pain, but truly, the resistance to the inevitable pain in life creates the discomfort. The more we learn to lean in and allow ourselves to experience all things fully, the more growth we experience; the more we can appreciate and understand happiness when we experience it.

Align Actions with Values

True happiness comes from living in accordance with your values. Take a moment to reflect: What matters most to me? Then, begin to focus on finding small ways to bring those values into your daily life. Even tiny, intentional actions like prioritizing connection, creativity, or self-care can create a profound shift in well-being.
Knowing your values and having clarity of purpose is key to being able to direct your actions and begin to live in alignment. Here is an activity you can download to help you explore them more - Values Exercise

Find Others to Share in Your Happiness

As the theme of this year’s International Day of Happiness speaks of, “lasting happiness comes from caring for each other, feeling connected, and being part of something bigger.” There is no question that having community and feeling a shared purpose and belonging can enhance one’s sense of happiness.
There are three main components of happiness; positive emotions, engagement, and meaning - the last being the one that involves having a feeling of contribution to the greater good. We cannot do that, or many things in life, alone. Authentic happiness requires engagement and a sense of purpose.

Happiness is a Journey, Joy is a Feeling

Happiness isn’t about chasing fleeting moments of joy or avoiding discomfort. It’s about being open to the full range of human experiences while staying grounded in what truly matters and enhancing the things that ignite joy in your life.
Joy is an experience of higher intensity than happiness. As Brene Brown defi nes in the book Atlas of the Heart, joy is “an intense feeling of deep spiritual connection, pleasure, and appreciation”. Those are the times when you truly feel high on life! In these moments pure biology can influence your experience. Neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins, play a key role in pleasure, reward, and motivation. There needs to be something that happens in your life for these things to happen. Action towards your values is the journey to experiencing happiness and having such intense moments of joy.

Final Thoughts - Listen and Be Aware

Tuning into your mind and body, improving self-awareness is where this all begins. So, on this International Day of Happiness, I hope you fi nd these things helpful and I encourage you to reflect:

What is one small step I can take today to live in alignment with my values?
Maybe first it is learning to do breathwork, or beginning a mindfulness practice, or going through the values identification exercise to gain some clarity.
If you’re ready to explore this journey more deeply, I invite you to visit Living in Alignment and learn more about the work I do to help women cultivate psychological flexibility, self-compassion, and create balance in their lives.