The Little Girl in the Pink Hat, let the roller coaster ride begin...
My name is Erin Elizabeth Korthoff and some of you may know me as the makeup artist Be Unique by EEK, one of the many behind the scenes workers at Petals and Pose Photography.
I was honored when I was talking with Melissa and she agreed to tell our story. It originally was going to be my journey as a makeup artist, but morphed into a bigger, more important story, that is both heartwrenching yet beautiful.
I have been a makeup artist for many years and with the start of reality shows like Bridezilla's, I suffered from burnout, with all the entitled brides, endless hours trying to make people happy, sometimes doing trial makeup appointments multiple times, with no satisfaction for both parties. I was done.
Then the unthinkable happened. My husband's company folded. Kearney and Trecker in West Allis closed and we were facing difficult situations. Would we lose our home? Could we afford to stay in the area if we built a home? Luckily for us, we had inherited an old vertical log cabin from my husband's parents. It was about 100 years old but lost it's charm, 75 years previously, but what the heck...we were grateful for a roof over our heads and instant friends that helped us cut wood for the long cold winter to come. We both got jobs right away by the grace of God. I was just was told we were expecting a baby. Not exactly the news we expected, but once again, what the heck...babies are always welcome. About 23 weeks into my pregnancy I didn't feel right and was rushed to the hospital where I lost my baby boy, Harrison. I had never felt such sorrow in my life.
After all the stages of grief, we were totally caught off guard by the announcement that we were expecting, again. I felt so happy, and was healthy. Great checkups, everything normal. Life was good until my 23rd week gestation again I started labor. Not again. I was heartbroken. I was transported to St. Joseph's in Marshfield where I was put on labor stopping medication and put on strict bedrest. I was given meds to help expand my childs premature lungs and that bought us another 3-4 days. I went into labor again. Kelsey was in a hurry to meet us and the world. When she was born, the nurses had tears in their eyes and after being baptized, she was whisked away.
Eyes open but on the ventilator and a big IV bag as her first water bed and a 2x4 gauze bandaid as her first diaper. the knit hat was huge on her, but somehow appropriate of the situation. The nurses gave me plastic wrap that was fortified on the outside with nylon tape. They told me it would be her first blanket and to decorate it as I wished.
Imagine my surprise at the idea I was going to decorate saran wrap as an infant's first blanket. Scary, but I put lots of stickers on her first blanket. Lots of lipstick prints, hearts and motivational words. It was magnificent. I loved her so much.
About 5 days of the rollercoaster of medications and Kelsey losing weight to 15 ounces, think a pound of butter, on a Tuesday she came down with a terrible staph infection and the doctors gently told us we could expect her to go home to heaven on Thursday. I never felt so sad and alone.
Karl had to go back to work and I was at the Ronald McDonald house by myself. I remember some touching moments during that time. I was in the NICU waiting room, crying my eyes out when the door opened and a hand showed up in the crack and slowly reached across the wall to grab their coat without disturbing me and my grief and passing a box of hospital kleenex into the room. At the Ronald McDonald house the girl scouts were decorating the doors as Xmas gifts. When they knocked at my door and I answered I think they were shocked at the raw grief and emotion showing on my face.
The next morning I woke up to another light knock and when I opened the door, there was a basket with scones and lemon curd and a card from each of the girls saying how sorry they were. How kind and considerate.
When I called my best friend Barb about the situation, she told me to ask Kelsey's nurse Vicky for her honest opinion. I did. She told me that they were not going to change anything or withdraw life saving measures. She had hope and faith. I called Barb back and she was going to start a prayer chain with Jane, another friend. She told me that if I only see a crack of light in the window that I would be able to open it further from the well wishes of friends and the prayer chain and my inner strength and beliefs. I pushed and lifted and pried that window open with raw faith and the help of my friends. If it was sunny outside, it was a good day for me and a great day for Kelsey.
The nurses in the NICU were amazing and helpful and caring and always had time to talk with the mother of such a small baby. They even had a fashion photo shoot of her in different Christmas outfits as the holiday was quickly approaching. I had to go back to work part time so I would be able to take a maternity leave if we would ever leave the hospital with her. I had so much to learn.
Kelsey was on so many medications including morphine because some times when she moved her very thin skin would tear and she would cry. Antibiotics and blood pressure medications and steroids that made her cheeks swell. Preemies frequently get the nickname toaster heads, because of the side effects of the steroids. She had to have her umbilical aterial line removed and replaced.
When the surgeon came back from the procedure to tell us that everything went well, he had a bandage on his forehead. He left the room before I could ask him about it, so I asked the nurse and with a little smile, she told us that because of her small size she would lose heat very quickly, so they had to have the surgical suite at about 92 degrees and they had a big heat lamp on her and he got too close and got a burn on his head. He was a good sport and was going to tell everyone he got it using his daughters curling iron, because that's what he thought it would probably feel like.
Christmas was just around the corner and I was not feeling it. My friends took me down to visit and I was so crabby, I didn't even like myself. My friends put up with me and didn't leave me on the side of the highway. We were so intent on looking at Kelsey that I never noticed the nurses setting up a rocking chair and heating pad behind me. They sat me down and took Kelsey out of the incubator and placed her in my arms. It was the first time I held my baby.
I remember the tears dropping on the top of her head and her looking around so confused. I got the best Christmas gift of my life. The next day I kept wondering how a baby that didn't even weigh 2 pounds make my arm muscles hurt so bad. I must have been so tense holding her for the first time. My husband Karl said the same thing a week later when he got to hold her for the first time too.
Christmas came and went and New Years too. The nurses taught me how to bathe Kelsey and change her. So different with a preemie on a ventilator, in an incubator. The first time I changed her diaper, I was wringing wet! The weather was not always cooperating and I often had to cancel my 3 hour, one way trips to Marshfield. One problem was getting my breast milk to the hospital. On several occasions I met the ambulance at a designated area, the local pub to give them the containers to take to the hospital when it was too treacherous for me to drive. They were my heroes,
When Kelsey was 3 months old the nursed took her picture with a newborn baby that weighed 10 pounds at birth. she was still just over two pounds and looked ridiculously small in comparison. The mom and I just laughed together at the two of them. I told people that was Kelsey's first boyfriend and he was a bruiser. Other babies watch out!
At about 4 months I started to try to breastfeed. One morning at the Ronald McDonald House I got a phone call to come and feed Kelsey. So I quickly brushed me teeth and put some lipstick on, always the makeup artist and ran across the street to feed her. They put her in my arms and I talked to her and she snuggled in, but when she looked up she was so startled. The nurses said it was becasue she had never seen me in my glasses or lipstick!
At about 5 months they started to prepare us to take her home. She was just about 3 1/2 pounds by then, but still being tube fed on occasions to keep her weight up. I went home to get the nursery ready. Apnea monitors and oxygen needed to be ordered and set up. The hospital encouraged me to stay with her in a hospitality room for two days to take care of her. The nurses were there for me for moral support. They say that sometimes parents resent the nurses because they are so integral to the wellbeing of preemies and they resent the time not spent with their babies. My husband and I never felt that way, ever. In fact, her nurse Vicky and I have remained friend, often staying at each others homes. She was and is still an amazing person, nurse and friend!
When Kelsey was discharged, we had a problem with our furnace and Karl had to stay back at home to fix it. Oh my goodness. I was so nervous to take her home by myself. What if she stopped breathing? What if she didn't have enough oxygen? What if she got cold? Or too warm? Once again Vicky was their to guide and reassure me. Three hours to get home. Just me with my million dollar miracle baby, with only a few apnea alarms that a flick on the bottom of her feet and a "Wake Up Kelsey" in a loud voice, fixed almost immediately. Karl was waiting for us with a nice warm house and a hug and kiss for both of us. We had a lot to learn, but as I went to take my shower in the morning, Karl was curled up with her in our dark bedroom with a TV on the cartoon channel and Kelsey was looking around and cooing. I knew then that we were home to stay.
I quit doing makeup for quite a period of time because I wanted to be available for Kelsey.
She took a while to catch up with other children her age. We learned this was normal for preemies,. She didn't walk until she was just over 2 years old and shortly after that my Dad's dog was playing with her and knocked her over and she just kept crying. We took her to the hospital and found out she fractured her femur. The spika cast she was put in weighed 23 pounds and was from her hips down with a post between her legs.
Changing her diaper became another challenge to overcome. As she got older she was healthy and didn't need me as much as when she was a baby.
That is when I decided to go back to doing makeup. It was perfect for me!! worked at my job Monday to Friday and able to do weddings, makeup and photo shoots on the weekends. It was a perfect fit.
Makeup is my passion and never seems like a job to me. So that is how I became a makeup artist again. Until covid hit, but that's another story...
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